What have you done to my software NOW???!!!
Right, you've managed to do something completely idiotic, unexpected and really weird. I don't know how you did it, but if you want it fixed, you need to tell me a couple of things.
Can't you come up with a reasonable description of your problem?
"It didn't work" just doesn't cut any mustard here. It worked when it left my computer.
It happened where?
Now look, programs are made of pieces, and I am not traipsing through all of them just for you. If you can't remember where the bug is, I won't bother hunting it down for you.
What were you doing to my poor program?
I've checked and, if you use it right, my program works splendidly. Therefore, it's your fault for doing something wrong or doing something completely unexpected. You are guilty of software abuse, and I should report you for it. But if you can tell me how you got it to crash, I might be kind and fix it instead.
Can you repeat the error or is it inconsistent?
Hey, computers are generally as stable as a stilt-walker in a swamp. There are times when it is your computers fault and not my programs fault that something weird happened. If you can't repeat the error, set glitch traps around your computer.